What do you understand by a health detachment?
If you are living with an alcoholic spouse a healthy detachment is common way to find cure to the situation. A relationship, where one person is an addict, becomes difficult for the other person and often turns out to be a painful one lacking all the emotions of normal relationship. Some common notions observed in alcoholics are ego, selfishness and reckless attitude towards the partner. It is very unfortunate that these natures become hard to change and hard to live with. People who are staying with an alcoholic often come across terms like that of “detaching with love” or “healthy detachment”. This is a step you take for yourself by taking a step back from your relationship. Most alcoholics depend on their partner in some way, so it is suggested not to kick them out of your life in one go. If you have realized that your partner is never going to quit the addiction and will continue the reckless attitude, it is high time to get some distance and be little emotionally detached from the person. No tough steps are required to have healthy detachment. Some common tips are –
- Don’t be financially dependent on an alcoholic
- Don’t take responsibilities of all the bad actions done from the alcoholic
- Don’t indulge in emotional involvement when they take any decision and make mistakes
Taking these steps become really tough for spouses and parents but if taken properly helps in detachment from the addict without breaking ties.
What is the reason for one to choose healthy detachment?
Getting a healthy detachment from your beloved people is definitely a difficult step in one’s life. But is very important for many to take these steps because of the following reason –
- Addiction enabling – This is a common phenomenon observed in cases where the addict is financially dependent on a person like that of parents or spouse. The people they depend on are care givers and also financial providers. When we give such care to an alcoholic, in one way we end up enabling the addiction and put veil on many of their mistakes. If you take a step backwards from supporting the addicts financially, they are forced to take up their own responsibility and slowing get out of alcohol because of financial crunch.
- Co-dependency – This is a symptom often observed in people who are too much emotionally attached to the alcoholic. This is often followed by constant hurting of the addict, sometimes even violent outbursts, whereas the partner ends up taking the blame on themselves. In one way by co-dependency or emotional dependency you are hurting yourself.
- Focus on your own – If you have an alcoholic hurting you constantly, you tend to lose yourself in a span of time. This is high time to take a foot back and re define your own life, finding yourself should be your first priority.
How can you detach with love from an alcoholic?
Detaching with love requires you to realize first that your alcoholic partner is hurting you and this is time for you’re to love yourself. You can continue to love and respect your alcoholic partner while you take one foot back and care for yourself. Few things that make life easier for healthy detachment are –
- Understanding the irrational behaviour of the alcoholic
- Stop taking responsibilities of mistakes that are not yours
- Put yourself in the first place and above the beloved people
- Don’t give one sided care